Thoughts on Adoption

One of our first photos as a new family.  Brent looks pretty proud of his little guy.

One of Brody's favorite books is a book we wrote for him about his adoption, "Brody's Story."  Although he is young, he knows his adoption story and how he came to be lovingly placed with our family.

Adoption is a topic that is very dear to our hearts.  After all, through the grace of another, adoption brought our biggest blessing, our son, to us. Without adoption we would not be parents. We have hopes, and continually pray that adoption will bring us more little blessings.

People often wonder if an adoptive couple can love their adopted child as much as a biological child.  The answer is a definite YES! We cannot imagine loving our son (or future children) any more just because they look like us. Our love is not lessened because I didn't carry our son for 9 months, or because we don't share DNA. The moment Brody was placed in our arms, we felt instant love and began our eternal bond with him (or as I like to think of it, we picked up where we left off. I'm pretty sure we knew this little one in heaven).  He was meant to be in our family, meant to be OURS.  He just had to get to us another way-- through his angel birth parents, and through one of the greatest gifts on this earth. . . adoption.  Next to the atonement, can you think of a greater gift than the gift of a child?  I can't.  Just like every other parent, our love for our son grows each day as we serve, teach, and care for him. That is the way it's designed. We feel so blessed to have him in our eternal family, and would feel equally blessed to welcome another child.

We went through many trials, heartache, waiting, and longing as we experienced infertility, and the adoption process.  Something we know for certain, we have been molded into better people, better spouses, and better parents because of this.  We are more humble, patient, and don't take the little things for granted.  We cherish every moment of parenthood, even the stinky ones. My dad made the comment once that he didn't know another little boy (referring to Brody) who was more loved, or more wanted.  This will be true of any other children we have the opportunity to welcome into our lives.

One of the greatest things about adoption is that Brody also has his birth families who love him.  A child can never have too much love in my opinion.  His birth-mom, and dad loved him so much that they were willing to put his needs before their own, and chose to give him all that they believed he deserved. They made a plan for him, and designed for him the life and family they wanted him to have--  Two loving parents who were married, loved one another, and would raise him in the gospel.  Now that's SELF-LESS LOVE.  There are so many misconceptions and misunderstandings about adoption.  People sometimes think a birth parent "gave their child up."  In reality, birth parents "give them more." Kourtney, (Brody's birth-mom), will make an amazing mom, and could have kept him and loved him, but she wanted more for him.  Some say adoption is taking the easy way out.  That is false--It is commonly the hardest thing a birth parent will do, but develops into a beautiful thing . . . it becomes the best thing they have done.
“Adoption is not a breaking of trust but a keeping of faith… not the abandonment of a baby but an abandonment of self for a baby’s sake.” – Curtis Young (2001)

The awesome thing is, we are able to share an open adoption with our son's birth parents which allows Kourtney and Jordan to play a part in their birth-son's life, and can still show him how much they love him. We have a great relationship with them and we love them dearly.  I love this quote that describes open adoption, "We are parents in a way they are not. They are parents in a way we are not. Together we are adoption."  We are our son's forever parents and share a special bond, and his birth-parents are forever his birth-parents who also have a unique bond with him.  We love the adoption triad for that reason.

We know that open adoption will also be a huge benefit and comfort for Brody.  He will never have the un-answered questions, and mystery hanging over his head, and he will always know that he is loved by his birth-families. He won't wonder who he looks like, where he came from, and through knowing and understanding his story, he will know who he is, and that he's where he is meant to be.

Within our open adoption, we call, text, facebook, and have visits every few months with our birth-mom.  Our son's birth-father is more comfortable with less contact.  We occasionally message one another through facebook and typically get together once a year, on Brody's birthday.  While we hope to share an open adoption with our next child's birth parents,we understand that each situation is unique, and will cater our relationship according to the individual circumstances. We want to develop a healthy, open relationship that is comfortable for birth-parent(s), the child, and us, which meets the needs of everyone, and makes all of us happy.

If you are an expectant parent who is considering adoption and reading this. . . first of all, thank you for considering the option of adoption. Thank you for giving us hope. Should you choose to parent, or to place your baby for adoption. . . we are praying for you.  Praying that you will be comforted and guided, and have the courage and strength to make the decisions that you feel are best for you and your baby. We pray that you will never feel alone through this difficult time. We know this cannot be easy.  Should we become the family you will choose, we will be forever grateful, and your sacrifice will be the answer to countless prayers. We extend our love and friendship to you. If you have any questions about our family or adoption in general, we are here, and look forward to hearing from you.

Here are a few pictures describing the open adoption we have with our son's birth parents:

Brody with his birth-mom in the hospital.

Two mother's love.

Brody and his birth-parents.

Celebrating his 2nd birthday.

These pictures were from a day at the park with Brody's birth-mom.

Kourtney came to visit on Christmas Eve-- we had dinner together, played games, and opened presents.
In this picture, Brody had passed out "hats" to each of us.

This is a song I have recently heard that talks about loss, infertility, and adoption.
It's beautiful. . .

Click HERE to read the meaning and story behind this song.
Also, click HERE to read a very heart warming adoption story tied to this song. First, get your tissue box handy.

Adoption IS about love.

It's true, birth-moms are super heroes.  Watch this video and see an adopted child's perspective of his birth-mom.

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